Sound Dad Faith

Children are without a doubt the most stressful, agonizing, and life changing job on the entire planet. It is also the most rewarding, secretly enjoyable, and terrifying. I love my children but am run ragged most days no matter how well behaved they are. However, the chance to experience the things i thought were gone forever, newly through my children's eyes is quite possibly the reason i don't choke them into unconsciousness after a particularly difficult discipline issue. I am glad every day that i am a father, but i do sometimes miss the "do as you please, come and go at will" nature of being childless. . . . until my children hug me then . . . .
well do you remember when (Jesus i sound old) we were just out of high school and we had some sort of celestial fire that lit our way. The world was our oyster and no matter how sandy and slimy it seemed we were gonna take it and make pearls whatever the cost and be damned!
Children are like that. Only not in a fiery thunderbolts from the heaven way. (although many times i think that i am paying off all the negative karma i accumulated giving my parents hell) Rather children are a soft gentle spark of the Divine wrapped in a smelly, loud, demanding blanket. It is the quiet times that i cherish the most, when we can snuggle together and watch a show one kid on each knee(this is getting more difficult they are growing like weeds). Somehow when i most need a lift my children give me a hug and some cuddles and life is okay again.
Kids are awesome, i never knew until i was a dad. Your capacity for love just grows exponentially when you have children.
Bonuses for parent hood
No fear ever of anything life throws your way. . except a constant nagging worry over your own progeny
Nothing ever grosses you out any more ever. . .I've been pissed on shit on, puked on, cleaned dog shit off hands, faces etc. you just learn to accept and deal.
You are always tired but you always seem to find some reserve of energy.
Best of all. . . . You get to be Superman. . . the way my kids look up to me like i am Zeus himself just tickles me purple!
Find a nice girl and have kids  it will do you a world of good.
Rule #1 stop chasing after crazy bitches. They are fun but by no means worthy of your attention.
Rule #2 Don't look for someone, they will fall out of the sky into your lap.
Rule #3 if you insist on looking maybe try for the girl who's always been there. Jesus dude do you not watch romantic comedies, life is actually like that, but with less shitty dialogue.
Rule#4 Take care of yourself. You must be okay with yourself before you can take care of anyone else, this is especially true of parents.
Keep the faith brother,
Remember I'm pulling for ya we're all in this together.

Earthquakes, flamers, and guilt

            Another Act of God strikes the world. Here I am safe in my snug little house watching everything unfold. Well. . 1^st things 1^st may the Gods watch over all affected by the tragic events at hand and provide for them as they need.

            Okay done now onto related topics. These are not to in any way diminish the magnitude of current events. They are only my comments and opinions as I relate them.

Thank GOD! Now maybe I won’t have to hear about the cry-babies in the US west of the Rockies as they mope about and weather(ha!) a winter that is a little more vicious than normal. Hay wake up folks IT’S WINTER! Alaskans don’t bitch so knock off the weak, sniveling why don’t you. Even up here in Washington we had a “multiple area Snow Event.” God’s Teeth! Is that a sick enough evasion for you. Now I am a wordy person but really if it’s gonna snow just say it’s gonna fucking SNOW! Get out the chains and plows and man up! And people are such pussies really. I mean over the course of our last little cold snap I must have sold 50+ sets of chains to people who probably weren’t going over 50 miles and even then were travelling well trafficked routes. BTW when you go to purchase chains please for gossakes have your flipping tire size you Jack-wagons.

SO here we are in Washington and it’s been confirmed that the Tsunami waves from Japan’s rumbler are striking as we speak. After a quick review of the available news feeds it appears that the waves in question are expected to be between 6inches and a couple feet. . . . wait wait wait. . . my arms are longer than that!! And the NWS issued an ADVISORY for this! Okay okay preemptively this is the smart thing to do. However, I’ve been to our coast many many times and those waves bigger than the predicted ones regularly. Even at my childhood beach on the Puget Sound the waves a freighter makes when it passes through the bay are at least this big. What sensational bullshit!

Now a word about the various news commentators online. Yes we’ve all heard by now it’s a terrible tragedy and yes we are praying and yes Jesus loves even you. And and and and please god stop! So We get these hypocrites who think that by commenting on the tragedy of the day they somehow absolve themselves of any real responsibility and so they feel better. We deal with these useless parasites in a minute.

Then there are the flamers. It’s nice to see that the act of inciting online rioting is still alive and well. I smile everytime some antagonist decides to mouth off offensively about whatever tragedy is striking the world. The only point they are making folks is that you weepy bleeding hearts are so easily provoked.

Back to the hypocrites. . .  Now having been enflamed by MrDicksnake at your preferred web news site you then go off and tell MrDicksnake what a “cheap, lying, no-good, rotten, four-flushing, low-life, snake-licking, dirt-eating, inbred, overstuffed, ignorant, blood-sucking, dog-kissing, brainless, dickless, hopeless, heartless, fat-ass, bug-eyed, stiff-legged, spotty-lipped, worm-headed sack of monkey shit he is!”(1) And there you have it! Cycle complete. . idiots getting inflamed over idiots. Moreover, the bleeding hearts seem to take particular offense when being reminded that any natural disasters are in-fact excellent ways to thin out the gene pool. Although this is not to say it is an effective scalpel, rather these disasters are more like chopping off your arm because of a wart on your thumb. (there I said it I was just like those flamers mentioned above so what?!  Fuck you!) Why are these world helpers so incensed by this kind of behavior. They don’t like being reminded that nature is red of tooth and claw and sometimes life IS NASTY. I am pretty sure those Japanese Folks didn’t think they were gonna end up in the drink or worse when they got up that morning.

And another thing. . . . Now I am not a bleeding heart by any stretch. However, instead of running off to help the other folks thousands of miles away, why don’t we assist folks in our LOCAL communities instead. Maybe donate to the LOCAL food bank, Donate to the local relief women’s shelter, volunteer at the hospital, volunteer at a school. Lots of ways to give back to the very community you live in as opposed to saving little Hirohito all the way across the ENTIRE PACIFIC OCEAN!!!!! If you really want to brighten the day of someone thousands of miles away then for fuck’s sake send a care package to a soldier. Now I don’t necessarily agree with our current theatres of combat but I do try to help out soldiers when I can. These folks have no choice but to go where our politicians(and if I remember correctly we as in “we the people”) send them.

And BTW wherever you live there is some kind of natural disaster that frequents your geographic locale. So be prepared.

And as a final jab to the Jesus pray-ers out there Please don’t hold “vigils” to “raise awareness” I know that the world is a shitty place sometimes; I don’t need to be reminded. SO if you are thinking about doing the above. . .  Instead of trying to absolve your American guilt with an intangible ritual; donate money or volunteer. Jesus volunteered his entire life just for you. Think about it. Besides why should I care about your little causes; I’ll be in Valhalla 3 days before your god even knows you’re dead!!

At least I don’t have to hear about Haiti anymore. . . . . for awhile.

footnote 1  Clark Griswold