Wednesday, January 11, 2012

The chicken dance, and other forms of self mastery

There are several reasons why cultural death is taking place.
1 psychology--- everyone is so drugged to keep themselves "happy" depression is everywhere. Why? because the "media" tells us so. The world isn't any more violent than before, we just hear about it sooner and more frequently. The world can be a shitty place but it is so much less so than we are led to believe.

2--- cultural identity. Remember being told that we as a nation are a melting pot? Bullshit, we are a salad bowl at best. Cultures tend to stick together and provide for their own yet shun any who dare to buck the mores of their own social, genetic pool. Think about the stigmas most inter-cultural couples face.

3--strangers--- because of the aforementioned reasons we live in a world of strangers and single atomic families. there is less and less community and much more "us against them."As such, I am sure that being a "front-man" for a band assisted in my self confidence. Really you are our there in front of everybody. When I began I tried to research (ie. i watched alot of live videos) of other front men to see how they conducted themselves on stage, the best is still Mick Jagger. Watch that strut and confidence! What a master. So after this I became a king upon the stage. I wish I could impart some of my self confidence to others. It has served me well.
Dance, as with any other physical activity that blends mental discipline with the physical body is about self mastery. Instant gratification and our so called culture have ruined pursuits of this nature. I would recommend at least one of the following to every person always, Dance, Martial Arts, Any Sport, Band(although this is less physical it achieves the same thing). Any of these require us to develop certain amount of both physical and mental fortitude. When we neglect one portion of our personal triad(Physical, Mental, Spiritual) the whole suffers. Sad really.

Wednesday, October 5, 2011

Your Bloodlines Deserve to Fail

       I got to thinking after reading a friend’s FB post that vaccinations are indeed the intelligent thing to do. Although there are plenty of people who, through some fuck-tarded thinking, have chosen to ignore reasonable medical science. Why is this?

      Well summed up it is fear. Fear of knowledge, fear of negative ramifications, fear of the unknown. Fear fear fear!

            Fear derails the rational thought process and these simple-minded folk are duped into believing whatever tripe the fear-mongers produce. Perhaps Cardinal Richelieu had it right, ‘When king and country fail the people so willing turn to their only recourse, me.’ The business of religion is just as political an institution as any government . . . concerned with controlling people. To do this, they control thought. People are so afraid of getting sick that they trust in some invisible man in the sky to protect them from whatever “Devil” threatens them. It is sad really. To see such potential limited and ultimately wasted by the only real thing we have to fear, fear.
            By my own observations, the worst decisions come from a place of fear. I do not understand this. Although I too have acted from fear; I do attempt mindful living. Often I am surprised, because it is usually never as bad as my fear tricks me into believing. We simply need to say to ourselves, “This is the world. What is, is. What will be, will be.” We can certainly act from this position of acceptance and do our best to swing the odds against disease in our favor.
            As such, the human body is an amazing machine. Yes a machine, albeit a biological one. The body can repair and heal itself, learn from experience and achieve greatness of person and character through self-mastery. However given the above, the human body can also decide that living is far too much burden and simply give up regardless of the assistance it receives.
            We can also look to mathematics for assistance in this area to see our way to a path of right-action. The sheer probability of any of us actually being here and existing at this moment is so miniscule as to defy rationality. By almost pure chance, each of us is alive today through THOUSANDS and THOUSANDS of years (no I am not a creationist, just fearful fools all of them) of struggle, pain, and constant toil. History isn’t dead, YOUR (yes you!!) ancestors were alive then too. Doing everything they could to ensure the continued existence of their genetics. Who are we to defy the blood of thousands (millions) and belittle their efforts. Rather we should take those advantages offered to us and do all we can to give our heritage the meaning it deserves.
            For Gods’ sake don’t be a sheep and follow blindly where the Sheppard tells you. Jesus was a Goatherd. Sheep are stupid and must be driven, Goats are intelligent and need only be led.

            Perhaps it is the overload of information that makes these decisions so difficult. The constant barrage of information (good and bad) that invades our daily lives could be causing these mental shutdowns.  The current trend is to let programs do your deciding for you. (Is Bing creepy for anyone else? Are we just letting anyone out now, I think we need to restrict most folks only to day-passes). Instead of doing the proper job and filtering through the stuff so many people simply shut off the flow and choose(yes choose) to be led in whatever direction their chosen leader tells them. The amount of information at our disposal is gargantuan. However, your responsibility as a sentient being attempting to live to your fullest potential is to sift through it and come to rational decisions; admittedly, an unending and thankless task. As a parent it is your job and duty to your children. Period. Anything less is weak and your bloodlines deserve to fail. Yet, there it is. People are weak sheep who refuse to think. Given any individual most are intelligent and mostly charming. But mob mentality, as driven by any number of goads religion, government, media force all but the most will-full into a state of fear. All are in the business of control.
            Accepting all of the forgoing as rote is also foolish. I could be completely wrong. Vaccinations may cause autism, or worst case; the conspiracy theorists are right; we’re all being “chipped” for control by reptilian aliens. I am strong enough to admit that I am wrong if proven so. However, the arguments of the righteous are far from rational and even less than plausible. As such there is no rest for the wicked and I will do all I can to ensure the survival of my wicked spawn. . . . but maybe I’ll wear my tinfoil hat today and see if my outlook changes any.

If I’ve managed to piss any of you off today, then I’ve done my job. You are welcome.

Tuesday, August 16, 2011

Move your brood of whelps outta my way lady

Had a pretty goiod day last friday.

It was sunny. On a whim the 3 kids and i went to the boardwalk and did some strolling. About 1/2 way through we cruised the local farmer's market for a healthy tasty snack. As we were wending our way through the dreadlocks and flower children an old man who apparently had "chosen mobility" damn near ran over two of us!!!

What is it with the fucking motorized chair people!! Now first let me say that i am not hating on the cripples. far from it, I too have used a cart in the grocery store after my hyper-extended knee made it difficult to walk more than a few feet and nowhere without at least a cane. SO the little scooter was a good idea there. And yes I realized that some people are shitheads and don't get out of the way. But when i drove a scooter i was just assertive, and because i don't look decrepiti got a few dirty looks that I returned with added retorts of a crass nature, such as, "Move your brood of whelps outta my way lady!"
As such i understand the frustration many of these "mobility choosing" people have against us walking folks. However that is no reason to simply run over us without so much as a courteous "excuse me." Besides, its not like we were at the airport and those "cart people" have any sort of right of way. You wanna drive around and do your daily things that's fine; but don't be a dick about it.  Jesus at the very least you could use your horn, I would.
It's like thease people are shitty drivers in smaller cars. Just cutting people off and causing traffic hazards like they would if they were in a full size car. It just doesn't seem to matter what size vehicle people drive or ride, they are all shitty drivers.
For fucks sake even the bicyclists are shit heads and seem to abuse thier right of way. And why the hell do two wheeled kids toys have the right of way on a 50 mph road? Get off to the side jackass!

Wednesday, August 10, 2011

At some point we all snap

So I wrote in to the City transportation office a few weeks ago. I told them exactly how i felt about an intersection close to home that I drive daily. This intersection is heavily trafficked as it is one of only two ways to approach the Major regional hospital's ER. Well, this intersection also has some extremely fucked up lanes and lights. Needless to say, after multiple near misses and more than a few observed of the same, i was displeased in the extreme. So i mouthed off to the city.
   Now, about a week after this very pointed letter was shot off, the city put up pre-construction warnings AT this very intersection! Then 2 days later than that cut off all on street parking for a very populated residential area. Then for 4 fucking weeks after they did nothing!!!!
The procedure they eventually did they called, "Chip Sealing."  They tarred and gravelled the Goddamned Road!! So thanks mayor for all the loose gravel chips in my already compromised paint job and the window dings and tar splatter on the running boards!
Is it just conicidence that they decided upon some retarded road maintenence just after I mouthed off?
Now of course it isn't. And here is my proof, I would do the same thing. Tired after a week of listening to every shitty little complaint about this road and that intersection, and the roundabout over there, this poor bastard has one look at my Politely Written Venom Dripping Letter. At some point we all snap. Do I blame the guy (yes i looked it's a guy)? Not really. If it was me i would have been down to see my budget contact pretty much instantly or at least had him on the phone 1st thing. As such, i then would have found a cheap contractor for the labor and called up the asphalt folks. Thinking all the while, "Okay fuck-stick you don't like yer road the way it is? Lesse if you like it NOW!" and then let slip the dogs of war.

Thursday, May 19, 2011

a bitchy Cracker Jacks prize

Fashion is without doubt the most ridiculous of all the “art” industries. It’s just clothes people! Having been subjected to countless hours of Fashion TV and the train-wrecks of programs therein several points of interest and objections are now illuminated. I find I cannot look away once a show is begun (for the most part). The melodrama these “competition programs” create is sketchy at best but still it is in macabre fascination that I continue to watch.
            Being creative by nature I appreciate the level of both technical and artistic skill the competitors often aspire to and, indeed achieve. However, without question the judges of these contests; the competitors’ very peers (or betters as some would have us believe) are the most useless, overpaid, pompous, and pretentious self-absorbed jackasses ever to be given screen time. AT their introduction to the audience these “judges” are always given some title of nincompoopery. Such as “mogul” What the fuck is a Mogul!? Well after a short search a mogul is an important person or a small bump or hill or an Indian Islamic raider.
            Regardless of their use of the word, “fierce” (say it with a lisp) these idiots are not raiders of any sort. They may well be important folk of a kind in their own business but I’ve never fucking heard of them. SO by process of elimination they must be small bumps or hills. This seems to be the case as none of them apparently are aware of their unjustified existence. Another “title” bestowed is the “*.* to the stars.” Really? Really?! If you have to name drop to prove your own importance then you aren’t very important. Jesus! Don’t ride on other people’s coattails it cheapens your own greatness (if you have any).
            Now that I’ve divested these judges of any real importance I do find one other aspect of them galling. There is never a fashion show that has any of these judges compete against one another. AT least on the Food network they had the judges of “Chopped” compete so as to prove their own worthiness to judge their peers. I’ve never seen a fashion judge in any aspect prove their mettle as it were in any way. This detracts from the legitimacy of their claims.
            Okay, going forward. I appreciate the creativeness of the competitors. I find their aspirations towards greatness enjoyable to watch. Based on their own merits many of these folks could be decent humans engaged in the business of life and pursuit of art. However, all is not well in the state of Denmark. Fashion as an art changes its whims faster than bacteria spawn on dead meat. As such these poor souls are often times subjected to “pushing the envelope” (what an asinine phrase). People really? Again they’re just CLOTHES! Attempting to be avant garde in some way with fashion leads to horrible faux pas like “sandals with socks, and and and white after labor day”(good god it’s the end of civilization) or heaven forbid UGGs. (ugliest goddam boots ever!) Not everybody should be a snow bunny especially un-hot chicks and worse than that is the Diva attitude that seems to come in every box of UGGs like a bitchy Cracker Jacks prize.

Insert segway here. . .

After all of the preamble preceding this actually I want to explain my primary gripe. . . Artists.
            First, let me say, that as a creative person, when I get my 15 minutes of fame I plan to whore myself out to the maximum extent. There will be short lived breakfast cereals and flamethrowers merchandised. Action figures with “kung fu grip,” trading cards, stickers, bobble heads, anything and everything that will garner a single dime to the future well being of me and my-own. That being said, Artists die penniless. Impoverished paupers buried in unmarked graves and thereafter are whored out by their estates. So artists need to stop kidding themselves. You may be an artist, but don’t fall into the, “It’s for the art” trap. Jesus Christ the cart-wheeling Clown! These “purists” are nauseating. Just accept that becoming a media harlot will feed you. I’ve no intention of “starving” and neither should you. Maybe if your “art” was good you wouldn’t starve. And there’s the conundrum. Art for arts’ sake is foolish. Pretentiousness treads here. Art is not meant to be taken seriously unless it contributes to the betterment of humanity and the world thus making existence sweeter and more pleasant. Art should contribute to the sum total of beauty in the world. Art should not be so crass as to invite macabre fascination. Too much of the art world is clogged with the effluvia of “shock” art. If all you can do is offend people then you are not an artist you are an asshole. Initial reactions of art might shock some people but that should not be the sole purpose of your piece. Actually, if you are angry, malcontented, or just plain ole ugly don’t let your art become the basic embodiment of this.
            Rather, instead of taking the lesser road find a path by which you can express whatever ill feelings you have through their antonyms. If you are ugly create beauty, it you are angry, create peace, if you are a malcontent then please the establishment. All of these things: WILL PAY YOU! Then you won’t starve. Artists who rely upon shock value, and insist upon the inherent legitimacy of their work should be summarily shot on the grounds of “public nuisance.” Those artists who refuse to “sell out” should be shot also.
            We create the world our children will live in and we define the lives of our progenitors. Just once I want to see all the pompous asshats have the reality of their existence come crashing down about them and watch as they self destruct into a pile of weeping misery. Just once.

Thursday, April 28, 2011

Premium if you will

Magnum Ice Cream Bars

Really, you guys went with that? Did your pervy marketing dept guys not catch it or did you intentionally do this? Either way it’s funny.

SO for those of you who don’t know, these are supposedly exquisite chocolate ice cream bars. Premium if you will. Yet I wonder?

Just how good can a product be when it name is Magnum? Yeah the name of Trojan’s “Large Size” Condoms. Uhhh. .. Seriously, these things are Huge Chocolate Poles that people put in their mouths.  
Now I am all for women putting things in their mouths especially ice cream(well at least for the visual). What dude in his right mind doesn’t want to watch this? Every guy right now reading this is already visualizing this. Thinking, “Damn lookit that shit!” Girls you have a way about you. I dunno what it is. . . .
Every time I see a Lady eating a banana, licking a popsicle, or taking on a chocolate ice cream bar I am just stupefied. It’s awesome!! Especially if it’s messy! Ohh Gods! Then the innuendo is just too much for literary explanation.”(But I’ll try)
It is like this. . . .
. Opening her mouth with expectant exhilaration she drives the cold delight toward her waiting full pouty lips. They gently slide over the bitter-sweetly enrobed confection. Deep inside now, its richness begins to excite her pleasure centers; tickling them into a slow burning frenzy. As she releases it from her chocolate slicked labia, a small trail of white creamy deliciousness slides from the tip and down the side, to delicately drip across her fingers holding the shaft. She takes another bite as the first registers with pleading desire in her mind. Electric shivers fire out through her toes as they curl in animal passion. Her second bite is even better than the first. Hard cold and sweet slithers past her oral vestibule gliding across her tongue in excruciating rapture, enticing from her yet another shiver of pleasure, and her body tightens with anticipatory delight. Elegantly, her teeth rake across the enrobed creamy center dipping just deep enough to partake of the internal overpowering ecstasy. The she begins to lose control, tossing her hair wildly she continues; taking mouthful after delicious mouthful in sensuous abandon. White cream and dark chocolate smear in a heated battle for dominance over her blushed cheeks. A final nibble remains, she dives down one more time taking it all in her mouth in the rush. As it releases from the shaft she finds her pinnacle of passion and gasps in a euphoric explosion. From her wild recklessness the liquid remains of her pleasure have slicked and gushed out over her feverish hands layering them with sticky evidence of her indiscretion. The shaft spent, she drops her hands from their work and limply collapses backward in the afterglow of bliss. Heady sensations of fuzzy delight thrill through her body, each one a powerful shudder of wonder and elation.

Holy crap I need a smoke WOW! . . .  BRB. . .
Okay, every guy reading this, “You’re Welcome!” ½ the girls are disgusted by my gratuitous description, but all of them are wishing they had some sweet chocolate dairy confection like I described.

When I started ½ an hour ago this post was gonna be about the ludicrousness of the Magnum name. Yet, maybe they are onto something. Hey sex sells! Damn I wish I had an ice cream bar right now. Okay then. . . .  Good job Unilever! Now lessee if you can market SURF detergent like this.
I can see it now. . .
Hot girl scantily clad in Daisy Dukes  and a short shirt (short enough for plenty of under boob if she stretches up) or a Manly clean shaven guy in Tight jeans and no shirt (muscles rippling like waves crashing together on the beach) sweatily laboring over the laundry in the basement. Leaning against the washer as it pounds into a spin cycle. . . or muscularly lifting the giant laundry basket to the. . . okay I’ll stop. . . . maybe that’s not quite right. . .
I gotta get me some Magnum Ice Cream just to see. Although I’ll probably be disappointed. . . Ice Cream just isn’t as good as sex. But according to Unilever it’s a close second.

Thursday, April 21, 2011

To EVERY Corvette Driver I have ever met

Freshly Showered and now full of piss and vinegar!!!

Inspired by Cee-Lo I now SAY “Fuck you!”

Fuck You:

            To the Asshole in the giant Chevy Stump Jumper Who pulled out so far into the intersection that he wasn’t even on the God Damn Button. We sat through two whole lights waiting for your dumb ass. Furthermore, if I hadn’t been in the “company truck” I would have gone fucking around you and left you and your over-grown Tonka Toy there to rust into oblivion, you dumb-shit!

            To the Asshole in the BMW yesterday who thought that 45 in a 30 wasn’t fast enough. I hope you wreck your fancy silver shit bullet around a telephone pole, you ass-hat.

            To the Clowns who insist upon thundering out of my parking lot like it’s green flag time at the track. I don’t care! You don’t even register high enough on the coolness scale to rate a glance from the FONZ! Especially because you drive a tuned piece of shit Honda. What do you think you are. . .  Asian!? And turn your hat straight Jerk Off!
            To the self important Gear-head that comes into my store bragging about his Hot Rod. “Forty pound injectors. . . Blah Gear ratio Blah, Ignition Blah, Dana 40 Blah blah.” Don’t care. You are obviously compensating for the fact that instead of Banging the Prom Queen you are tinkering around in your garage with a machine. For Christ’s sake just stick your dick in the Gas Hole and fuck it already!
            To EVERY Corvette Driver I have ever met. . . .  Just Fuck right off All of you!
(excepting of course my friends, you’re cool). 

            To the Tailgating Window-Lickers who can’t seem to understand following distance. Especially you fuck-holes who also fall into one of the above categories. A speed limit might be annoying but I try to follow it and I don’t tailgate. If I feel like speeding I go Around. That’s what the passing lane is for Gravel-Eater!

            To the Tailgating Window-Lickers above a second time if you also do anything with your headlights in an attempt to inform me of your very important Fuck-head status. And that you are obviously on some very important errand for which I am making you late. EAT SHIT! The only thing this does is make me go even slower, okay. I leave in time to allow for traffic etc. I got nowhere to be so urgently that I can’t further impede your ridiculous driving. Maybe you wouldn't be in such a hurry if you could see with your head up your ass!

            To the Old People who don’t look ever. Get off the damn road. If you are such a Crazy person unconcerned with your own well being you are a danger to everyone. You are why there are Busses.
            To the Ole People Who can’t see above the steering wheel. I am speechless.

            To the People who drive too slow(not the speed limit), try to make a left onto an obviously busy and otherwise congested thoroughfare, or can’t even make a right when there’s no traffic, you are the biggest Pussies. People like you shouldn’t even be walking unescorted, let alone driving.

            Finally, to the asshole that keeps their brights on while following me at night. I’m not reading while driving even though I carry a copy of Ivanhoe with me for just such an occasion. I should mount a 1,000,000 Candlepower Spot light on my rear deck.  Lessee how you like it, Fuck Stick!

Ahh All better now. Hope I covered the basics, Anyone else will just have to wait their turn. If I forgot any categories please feel free to include them in the comments below.

What ties us all together as Humans is our misguided, but deep-rooted, belief that we are good drivers! Happy Motorvating!