a bitchy Cracker Jacks prize

Fashion is without doubt the most ridiculous of all the “art” industries. It’s just clothes people! Having been subjected to countless hours of Fashion TV and the train-wrecks of programs therein several points of interest and objections are now illuminated. I find I cannot look away once a show is begun (for the most part). The melodrama these “competition programs” create is sketchy at best but still it is in macabre fascination that I continue to watch.

            Being creative by nature I appreciate the level of both technical and artistic skill the competitors often aspire to and, indeed achieve. However, without question the judges of these contests; the competitors’ very peers (or betters as some would have us believe) are the most useless, overpaid, pompous, and pretentious self-absorbed jackasses ever to be given screen time. AT their introduction to the audience these “judges” are always given some title of nincompoopery. Such as “mogul” What the fuck is a Mogul!? Well after a short search a mogul is an important person or a small bump or hill or an Indian Islamic raider.

            Regardless of their use of the word, “fierce” (say it with a lisp) these idiots are not raiders of any sort. They may well be important folk of a kind in their own business but I’ve never fucking heard of them. SO by process of elimination they must be small bumps or hills. This seems to be the case as none of them apparently are aware of their unjustified existence. Another “title” bestowed is the “*.* to the stars.” Really? Really?! If you have to name drop to prove your own importance then you aren’t very important. Jesus! Don’t ride on other people’s coattails it cheapens your own greatness (if you have any).

            Now that I’ve divested these judges of any real importance I do find one other aspect of them galling. There is never a fashion show that has any of these judges compete against one another. AT least on the Food network they had the judges of “Chopped” compete so as to prove their own worthiness to judge their peers. I’ve never seen a fashion judge in any aspect prove their mettle as it were in any way. This detracts from the legitimacy of their claims.

            Okay, going forward. I appreciate the creativeness of the competitors. I find their aspirations towards greatness enjoyable to watch. Based on their own merits many of these folks could be decent humans engaged in the business of life and pursuit of art. However, all is not well in the state of Denmark. Fashion as an art changes its whims faster than bacteria spawn on dead meat. As such these poor souls are often times subjected to “pushing the envelope” (what an asinine phrase). People really? Again they’re just CLOTHES! Attempting to be avant garde in some way with fashion leads to horrible faux pas like “sandals with socks, and and and white after labor day”(good god it’s the end of civilization) or heaven forbid UGGs. (ugliest goddam boots ever!) Not everybody should be a snow bunny especially un-hot chicks and worse than that is the Diva attitude that seems to come in every box of UGGs like a bitchy Cracker Jacks prize.

Insert segway here. . .

After all of the preamble preceding this actually I want to explain my primary gripe. . . Artists.

            First, let me say, that as a creative person, when I get my 15 minutes of fame I plan to whore myself out to the maximum extent. There will be short lived breakfast cereals and flamethrowers merchandised. Action figures with “kung fu grip,” trading cards, stickers, bobble heads, anything and everything that will garner a single dime to the future well being of me and my-own. That being said, Artists die penniless. Impoverished paupers buried in unmarked graves and thereafter are whored out by their estates. So artists need to stop kidding themselves. You may be an artist, but don’t fall into the, “It’s for the art” trap. Jesus Christ the cart-wheeling Clown! These “purists” are nauseating. Just accept that becoming a media harlot will feed you. I’ve no intention of “starving” and neither should you. Maybe if your “art” was good you wouldn’t starve. And there’s the conundrum. Art for arts’ sake is foolish. Pretentiousness treads here. Art is not meant to be taken seriously unless it contributes to the betterment of humanity and the world thus making existence sweeter and more pleasant. Art should contribute to the sum total of beauty in the world. Art should not be so crass as to invite macabre fascination. Too much of the art world is clogged with the effluvia of “shock” art. If all you can do is offend people then you are not an artist you are an asshole. Initial reactions of art might shock some people but that should not be the sole purpose of your piece. Actually, if you are angry, malcontented, or just plain ole ugly don’t let your art become the basic embodiment of this.

            Rather, instead of taking the lesser road find a path by which you can express whatever ill feelings you have through their antonyms. If you are ugly create beauty, it you are angry, create peace, if you are a malcontent then please the establishment. All of these things: WILL PAY YOU! Then you won’t starve. Artists who rely upon shock value, and insist upon the inherent legitimacy of their work should be summarily shot on the grounds of “public nuisance.” Those artists who refuse to “sell out” should be shot also.

            We create the world our children will live in and we define the lives of our progenitors. Just once I want to see all the pompous asshats have the reality of their existence come crashing down about them and watch as they self destruct into a pile of weeping misery. Just once.