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Magnum Ice Cream Bars

Really, you guys went with that? Did your pervy marketing dept guys not catch it or did you intentionally do this? Either way it’s funny.

SO for those of you who don’t know, these are supposedly exquisite chocolate ice cream bars. Premium if you will. Yet I wonder?

Just how good can a product be when it name is Magnum? Yeah the name of Trojan’s “Large Size” Condoms. Uhhh. .. Seriously, these things are Huge Chocolate Poles that people put in their mouths.  

Now I am all for women putting things in their mouths especially ice cream(well at least for the visual). What dude in his right mind doesn’t want to watch this? Every guy right now reading this is already visualizing this. Thinking, “Damn lookit that shit!” Girls you have a way about you. I dunno what it is. . . .

Every time I see a Lady eating a banana, licking a popsicle, or taking on a chocolate ice cream bar I am just stupefied. It’s awesome!! Especially if it’s messy! Ohh Gods! Then the innuendo is just too much for literary explanation.”(But I’ll try)

It is like this. . . .

. Opening her mouth with expectant exhilaration she drives the cold delight toward her waiting full pouty lips. They gently slide over the bitter-sweetly enrobed confection. Deep inside now, its richness begins to excite her pleasure centers; tickling them into a slow burning frenzy. As she releases it from her chocolate slicked labia, a small trail of white creamy deliciousness slides from the tip and down the side, to delicately drip across her fingers holding the shaft. She takes another bite as the first registers with pleading desire in her mind. Electric shivers fire out through her toes as they curl in animal passion. Her second bite is even better than the first. Hard cold and sweet slithers past her oral vestibule gliding across her tongue in excruciating rapture, enticing from her yet another shiver of pleasure, and her body tightens with anticipatory delight. Elegantly, her teeth rake across the enrobed creamy center dipping just deep enough to partake of the internal overpowering ecstasy. The she begins to lose control, tossing her hair wildly she continues; taking mouthful after delicious mouthful in sensuous abandon. White cream and dark chocolate smear in a heated battle for dominance over her blushed cheeks. A final nibble remains, she dives down one more time taking it all in her mouth in the rush. As it releases from the shaft she finds her pinnacle of passion and gasps in a euphoric explosion. From her wild recklessness the liquid remains of her pleasure have slicked and gushed out over her feverish hands layering them with sticky evidence of her indiscretion. The shaft spent, she drops her hands from their work and limply collapses backward in the afterglow of bliss. Heady sensations of fuzzy delight thrill through her body, each one a powerful shudder of wonder and elation.

Holy crap I need a smoke WOW! . . .  BRB. . .

Okay, every guy reading this, “You’re Welcome!” ½ the girls are disgusted by my gratuitous description, but all of them are wishing they had some sweet chocolate dairy confection like I described.

When I started ½ an hour ago this post was gonna be about the ludicrousness of the Magnum name. Yet, maybe they are onto something. Hey sex sells! Damn I wish I had an ice cream bar right now. Okay then. . . .  Good job Unilever! Now lessee if you can market SURF detergent like this.

I can see it now. . .

Hot girl scantily clad in Daisy Dukes  and a short shirt (short enough for plenty of under boob if she stretches up) or a Manly clean shaven guy in Tight jeans and no shirt (muscles rippling like waves crashing together on the beach) sweatily laboring over the laundry in the basement. Leaning against the washer as it pounds into a spin cycle. . . or muscularly lifting the giant laundry basket to the. . . okay I’ll stop. . . . maybe that’s not quite right. . .

I gotta get me some Magnum Ice Cream just to see. Although I’ll probably be disappointed. . . Ice Cream just isn’t as good as sex. But according to Unilever it’s a close second.