To EVERY Corvette Driver I have ever met

Freshly Showered and now full of piss and vinegar!!!

Inspired by Cee-Lo I now SAY “Fuck you!”

Fuck You:

            To the Asshole in the giant Chevy Stump Jumper Who pulled out so far into the intersection that he wasn’t even on the God Damn Button. We sat through two whole lights waiting for your dumb ass. Furthermore, if I hadn’t been in the “company truck” I would have gone fucking around you and left you and your over-grown Tonka Toy there to rust into oblivion, you dumb-shit!

            To the Asshole in the BMW yesterday who thought that 45 in a 30 wasn’t fast enough. I hope you wreck your fancy silver shit bullet around a telephone pole, you ass-hat.

            To the Clowns who insist upon thundering out of my parking lot like it’s green flag time at the track. I don’t care! You don’t even register high enough on the coolness scale to rate a glance from the FONZ! Especially because you drive a tuned piece of shit Honda. What do you think you are. . .  Asian!? And turn your hat straight Jerk Off!

           

            To the self important Gear-head that comes into my store bragging about his Hot Rod. “Forty pound injectors. . . Blah Gear ratio Blah, Ignition Blah, Dana 40 Blah blah.” Don’t care. You are obviously compensating for the fact that instead of Banging the Prom Queen you are tinkering around in your garage with a machine. For Christ’s sake just stick your dick in the Gas Hole and fuck it already!

           

            To EVERY Corvette Driver I have ever met. . . .  Just Fuck right off All of you!

(excepting of course my friends, you’re cool). 

            To the Tailgating Window-Lickers who can’t seem to understand following distance. Especially you fuck-holes who also fall into one of the above categories. A speed limit might be annoying but I try to follow it and I don’t tailgate. If I feel like speeding I go Around. That’s what the passing lane is for Gravel-Eater!

            To the Tailgating Window-Lickers above a second time if you also do anything with your headlights in an attempt to inform me of your very important Fuck-head status. And that you are obviously on some very important errand for which I am making you late. EAT SHIT! The only thing this does is make me go even slower, okay. I leave in time to allow for traffic etc. I got nowhere to be so urgently that I can’t further impede your ridiculous driving. Maybe you wouldn't be in such a hurry if you could see with your head up your ass!

            To the Old People who don’t look ever. Get off the damn road. If you are such a Crazy person unconcerned with your own well being you are a danger to everyone. You are why there are Busses.

           

            To the Ole People Who can’t see above the steering wheel. I am speechless.

            To the People who drive too slow(not the speed limit), try to make a left onto an obviously busy and otherwise congested thoroughfare, or can’t even make a right when there’s no traffic, you are the biggest Pussies. People like you shouldn’t even be walking unescorted, let alone driving.

            Finally, to the asshole that keeps their brights on while following me at night. I’m not reading while driving even though I carry a copy of Ivanhoe with me for just such an occasion. I should mount a 1,000,000 Candlepower Spot light on my rear deck.  Lessee how you like it, Fuck Stick!

Ahh All better now. Hope I covered the basics, Anyone else will just have to wait their turn. If I forgot any categories please feel free to include them in the comments below.

What ties us all together as Humans is our misguided, but deep-rooted, belief that we are good drivers! Happy Motorvating!